| Sunday, December 30, 2007 |
| ENTRY 26: The Tale of Two Parties |
The days following Christmas Day have been quite packed with activity, thus why I haven't blogged in five days -- I think that's a record for me! Anyway, I have a few more things to cross off my list. I was able to do some Boxing Day shopping and got gifts for everyone. Score!
The real story, however, is the two parties I hosted/attended in the last two days. I had my house party on the 28th, and to be honest, I had the sinking feeling that it was going to be a full-blown disaster. I had nothing planned for the party at all, and I wasn't even sure how many people were going to show up and who these people were going to be. I had been lax on the invitations, and just put out a lazy Facebook message. Not only that, I invited people from different parts of my life, and wasn't sure how they would mix. The party was scheduled to start at 8 pm; six o'clock rolled around and I was sweating bullets.
Turns out it all worked out perfectly. The party was more of a success than I had even dared to dream. I had a lot of help from my good friend Girl Next Door, whom I ended up sharing an alarming interlude with (that is all I'll say about that), and overall the party went smoothly. Thanks to all that came, it was a blast! The good thing is that though there was a lot of drinking, nobody got shitfaced and started throwing up everywhere, which was refreshing.
Which is more than I can say for the party I attended the next night. Lil' T invited me to the birthday party of a friend of his Lil' Y. I had no idea who this girl was, but I went anyway, and she was gracious, making a point to say her alcohol was my alcohol LOL. By the time we got there, the house was packed with drunk young adults, several of which were already either passed out, throwing up somewhere, or extremely close to either of these. There was a heckuva lot more people at this party, and a heckuva lot more alcohol. I myself went over the edge, and ended up with my head in the toilet on a few occasions. I had made the stupid mistake of not eating all day, so that really didn't help me out any.
The last few days have been a whirlwind of activity, that much I can say...ha, I haven't even mentioned my trip to Casinorama...Labels: Christmas, friends, party |
finished by Carter @ 7:07 PM   |
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| Tuesday, December 25, 2007 |
| ENTRY 25: Afro Samurai |
Isn't it awesome that my 25th post falls on Christmas Day? In all honesty I hadn't planned it out that way; it just kind of happened! Anyway, big news is that I'm growing an afro! LOL I look kind of ridiculous when it's all combed out, but it's well on its way.
Merry Christmas everyone! Hope everyone is celebrating the Holiday Season is their own special and satisfying way. Me, I'm on my way to my Auntie's house really soon to get some gooooood food, lemme tell ya. My bro bought me Afro Samurai for Christmas (another coincidence!), so that's one thing off my list. Not only that, but it's the DIRECTOR'S CUT! Woot woot!
Anyway, I'll be back by tomorrow to tell you how it all goes...including *gulp* Boxing Day shopping..!
Merry Christmas!
 Labels: Afro Samurai, brother, Christmas, family, hair |
| finished by Carter @ 12:40 PM |
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| Saturday, December 22, 2007 |
| ENTRY 24: Ones You Can Depend On |
So I've been feeling kinda down since the whole TFC "debacle" (okay it wasn't really a debacle, just a very short phone call, but whatever), and all in all feeling a lot of uncertainty and confusion over my future. I would've been in real trouble if it weren't for some timely intervention from friends.
Yesterday started off as long as ever until I was MSN'd by Crazy R. He was on his way downtown to pick up some transcripts and to meet up with some other peeps. I tagged along; overall the trip wasn't very eventful, but it felt nice to be in some good company.
From there I headed down to my bro's apartment, where he was having a pre-Christmas get together. I ended up heading there with his boyfriend Big A, who is an awesome dude. We had to actually wait outside Twin M's apartment because the idiot had decided to head to No Frills at the last second. It was okay, however; me and Big A had some good bonding time. Eventually it was Twin M, Big A, Co-worker J (perky white girl that works with my bro), Siv, and I in the apartment chowing down on some chicken & rice and downing the good ol' ethanol. It was great; Co-worker J had a lot of great stories, and overall the conversation was smooth, comfortable, not forced at all.
From there I headed down Bathurst to meet up from some friends from wayyy back. It was easily the highlight of the night, and it was great to just fall back into that comfort zone that had been formed eleven, twelve years ago.Labels: film school, friends |
| finished by Carter @ 12:36 PM |
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| Wednesday, December 19, 2007 |
| ENTRY 23: Broken Glass, Everywhere II |
Couldn't finish this post last night; I was in absolute shambles. After I awoke from crying myself to sleep yesterday, I called up some buddies. One of them, whom I shall refer to as Crazy R, was completing his last exam that day. He finished at 5 pm, so we, along with two other friends whom I shall call The Lovers (they have recently gotten engaged), met up and went for some drinks. For me the plan was to just psychologically run away and put some distance between myself and the apparent destruction of my dream future. I was going to get pleasantly inebriated at some God-forsaken watering hole and hopefully end up with some company for the night (yeah...this was the state of mind I was in).
Didn't work out that way, much to my despair. We ended up at some Chinese restaurant, and I, completely forgetting myself, ordered some beef/vermicelli thing. Thus, since I'm highly allergic to MSG, I was mere minutes into my meal when my throat started closing and I felt like throwing up. Awesome dinner.
Afterward, instead of going to a bar we just bought some alcohol and went and chilled at one of The Lovers' (the woman) houses. On a side note, there had been a time when I had been desperately in love with this girl, but suffice to say that my heart, figuratively speaking, wound up crushed beneath her heel. It's been a while (several years) since this occurred, but every so often her knee would brush against my inner thigh, or she'd crawl over me, and it was really awkward and unnerving for me. She obviously didn't mean anything by it (that's just the way she is), but all the same it was uncomfortable at times.
We watched a shitty movie and then we went our separate ways. I ended up at home, not drunk enough and utterly alone. As I mounted my stairs a soft glow caught my eyes. It was my Christmas tree, which I had made sure to plug in before I left. I went over and hugged it.Labels: Christmas tree, dream, drunk, film school |
| finished by Carter @ 10:46 AM |
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| ENTRY 22: Broken Glass, Everywhere I |
Today was a day that resounded with a brutal realization.
I looked at my Daunting List and jumped into it head-first. I was going to get things done, goddammit! I had come home from work, checked my e-mail, got breakfast, stretched my arms and got to work. I was going to first call the Toronto Film College and inquire as to what the next steps were in order to get accepted into the institution. As I was perusing my emails for the relevant phone number, I was talking to a friend online about what I was planning on doing school-wise. She told me, just as I found the college's phone number, that one of her friends had gone to the TFC, but 2 years later was still working at Burger King.
My heart dropped like lead in a fish tank. Denial tried to build a fortress but it was quickly, effortlessly, and efficiently torn down by despair. In a daze I got up from the computer, walked into my room and sagged down on my bed. Was this it? Was this what was in store for me? Should I even bother? At this point, despair started making way for persistence and courage. I picked up the phone. I was NOT going to be like Mr. Burger King. I will PERSIST; I will PREVAIL. There was NO WAY some horror story was going to stop me from realizing my dream.
I called the number.
Operator (tired; indifferent): Hello, thank you for calling the Toronto Film School.
Me (embarrassed): Oh, I'm sorry...I thought this was the Toronto Film College.**
Operator (irritated): They're the same thing.
Me (embarrassed): Oh...oh, ok. Well I had completed your online application and received this number in a responding email.
Operator (indifferent): Right.
Me (apprehensive): Yeah, so I was wondering what the next steps in the application process were.
Operator (indifferent): Well, actually sir the Toronto Film School is closing its doors in 2009, so we're not taking on any more students.
Me (heartbroken): ....Oh.
Operator (indifferent): Take care, sir. Good-bye.
*click*
Me (heartbroken): Good-bye...
And that was that. In an instant my entire dream came crashing down around me. The utter silence in the house was deafening, unbearable, yet I dared not disturb it by making a sound. Moments later, however, I did; I lay down in my bed and cried myself to sleep.
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| finished by Carter @ 1:30 AM |
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| Tuesday, December 18, 2007 |
| ENTRY 21: Unruly |
| I think some time during my week off I need to do something about my hair. Right now it looks like wild Amazon underbrush. Yyyyikes! Labels: hair |
| finished by Carter @ 5:55 AM |
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| ENTRY 20: Last Day |
So today is my last day on the job before my vacation begins. I would have thought I'd be more excited, but alas this is not the case. Instead, I feel a small, budding sense of apprehension deep in my chest; sometimes I'm worried that I won't be able to accomplish the things I want to get accomplished over this holiday season. Before she left, my mom chewed me out over my lack of commitment and drive; she's under the impression that I'm just going through the motions with this film college application. I really want to go to this school, but as of yet she's right: I haven't done anything to make it happen.
I could have ordered my university transcripts already, but I haven't. I received an e-mail in response to the online application, giving me a phone number to call for further inquiries; I could have called this number but I have yet to do so. Why, even when directed at a true love of mine, is my ambition still lacking? Why can't I just get up and do the things that need to be done?
Fortunately it's not too late to turn it all around. Today will define how much of a success my vacation will be. Will I get off my ass and start making some major moves, or will I sit back flipping channels while opoportunities pass me by? My mom wants answers when she returns; I have to discipline myself to make sure that these answers will be provided.
I'm going to miss my co-workers. There is one guy, whom I shall call S. Asshole, who is self-confident almost to a fault. He can argue anything, will argue everything, and doesn't care who he pisses off because of it. He is my comic book buddy; we both bring in trades and issues that the other has not seen or read yet, discuss current events in the Marvel, DC, and Image universes, and drool over the upcoming Batman: The Dark Night movie. Joker looks WICKED!
There is also Silver Shal, my movie buddy; he brings in his laptop and I provide various DVDs to pass the time. There is also Calm C, a soft-spoken dude with a strong, friendly spirit and a infectious laugh. Big D, my supervisor, and Mario are always good for a laugh as well.
Gonna miss 'em all!
P.S. I'm beginning to cross things off The Daunting List!Labels: ambition, film school, parents, work |
| finished by Carter @ 3:39 AM |
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| Sunday, December 16, 2007 |
| ENTRY 19: Snowstorm |
I stand corrected: there actually 3 types of snowfalls. I did mention two types before. There is the kind of snowfall that leaves you feeling kinda depressed (ie "Seriously, what the hell is up with this weather?"), when the wind is driving the snow sideways, and outside would be completely white if it weren't for the slate-gray sky. The wind sounds like a sell-out crowd at Madison Square Garden booing the woeful Knicks, and flakes look like small ice chips that just can't wait to try and tear you apart. The second type of snowfall leaves you feeling thankful and uplifted; the type that I described before (ie "Wow this is just beautiful").
The third type of snowfall is somewhat a mixture of the first two: it leaves you simply in awe of Mother Nature. It's a lot similar to the first one; you have your ridiculous amounts of driving snow as well as the Madison Square Garden howling winds. However, instead the sky is clear and pleasant, the snow fluffy and almost inviting. Outside looks exactly like the inside of a snow globe after furious agitation. During such times all you can say is "Wow..." ....and that's it.
Today was definitely a Snowfall #3 day. I had gone out at 6 a.m. (don't ask) to shovel the driveway, and right when I finished #3 began. I didn't think much of it at the time.
I just came in from snow-blowing the driveway, which had more than a foot of snow covering it.
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I put up my Christmas tree yesterday evening, which ended up being more fun than I thought it would be. I had contemplated not putting it up at all, seeing as it's only me in the house...good thing I didn't listen to myself!
In all honesty the tree doesn't look all that great. It has a threadbare appearance and is decorated sparsely (too many decorations to choose from!). It doesn't even have a star on the top (I couldn't find one). However when you turn off the lights and plug in the tree lights, all those minor shortcomings seems to disappear. The white lights shine through the green needles of the tree and reflect off the primarily red decorations to create a harmonious blend of colours; the tree subsequently emits its own aura that, in my eyes, epitomizes what any Christmas tree is supposed to symbolize.
To me it's not about the flashy multi-coloured lights and the tacky, flamboyant tinsel. My tree's quiet, soft glow communicates peace, subdued power, love. Instead of a "HEYYYYYY THIS IS THE CHRISTMAS TREE IT'S SOOOO AWESOME!!!!", it's a "Shhhhh. Come. Sit. Christmas is such a beautiful thing, is it not?"
That's just what I did. I sat by my Christmas tree for a couple of hours last night, in the dark, bathed in it's soft aura. It was great :)Labels: Christmas, Christmas tree, snow |
| finished by Carter @ 7:04 PM |
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| Saturday, December 15, 2007 |
| ENTRY 18: Clean Up |
Had a long day at church; today was the first (and only) practice for the Christmas Pageant, which is to be performed tomorrow. Imagine trying to coral dozens of children (none of which are over the age of 10) to try and behave and act in an organized manner. Can somebody say HEADACHE? One of the co-directors walked out at the end of the practice (I'm guessing there were some creative differences) so now the other director, who also had to deal with two cranky children who had been up since 6 a.m. as well as asthma problems, is all by her lonesome on this. I feel really bad for her, I'll tell you that much.
Thing is that there is supposed to be this huge snowstorm today/tonight, so it might be canceled. I think she's secretly hoping that this'll be the case...!
For me, today is "House Day" (I love how I arbitrarily christen days) so I'll be spending the rest of the day cleaning up the house and doing the duties I have been neglecting for the past two days or so. That means cleaning the kitchen and washing the dishes (there aren't many), cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming and mopping the hardwood floors, washing my clothes, and lastly tidying up my room. That should take me a good two hours, I think.
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Let's see if I can divulge a little more about last night's wonderful "Life Day". I went to my usual Friday night haunt, Smokey Joe's, where I've entered into a circle of friends. They are all a bunch of women, except for one other Black guy. They such a blast to hang out and dance with, and really it makes the evening a heckuva lot more enjoyable.
It seemed everyone was on the sauce a little bit more than usual. I know I was; I usually stop after two beers, just because I like to stay well under my limit. Last night I downed five beers in quick succession, and for the rest of the night nothing at all was really 100% in focus. Another young woman who is a part of this Circle, usually looks really serious and unapproachable, had two drinks and was completely hammered. She was gliding all over the floor like some angelic disco chick. It was good to see her outside her comfort zone and still be so comfortable. Good for you, Disco Angel!
Anyway, it was a great night. I was just disappointed it ended so early; I went to bed at 4:14 a.m.Labels: cleaning, club, House Day, Life Day, Smokey Joe's |
| finished by Carter @ 3:20 PM |
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| ENTRY 17: Ugh |
Ugh. If there exists a word in the English language that completely describes how I feel at the moment, then that would be it. You know you've had a good night when you only have one sock on when you wake up and the other one is underneath your pillow.
Yeah, to say I'm slightly disoriented at the moment would be an understatement (Blogger's edit: the amount of spelling mistakes I've had to clean up in this one post is ridiculous). Head was pounding dully like a sledge hammer, but some good ol' Honey Nut Cheerios put that baby to bed in a hurry.
A LOT of people had injested their fair share of the ol' ethanol last night. I don't have time to get into the details at the moment; I have to go to church, which means I have to leave the house in 2 minutes haha.Labels: club, drunk, Smokey Joe's |
| finished by Carter @ 9:52 AM |
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| Wednesday, December 12, 2007 |
| ENTRY 16: Cold Christmas |
Yes, it is true. I have forced fate's hand, and in retaliation it has grounded me in Toronto for Christmas. I can't say that I am entirely disappointed, though there is some negativity; this is the first Holiday Season I have spent without my parents, and essentially by myself. It will, in more ways than one, be a cold Christmas.
I have to make the best of the situation, however, so that's what I will strive to do. Since I have the time off anyway, I've started making a list of the things I'll need to accomplish over the Holiday Season:
Buy my parents' Christmas gift: a new refridgerator.Buy some DVDs. I MUST buy Afro Samurai, also thinking about buying/renting Superbad.Christmas dinners: Auntie Norma & Twin M.Hold a Holiday party at my house! Woot Woot!Have a HUGE "Life Day" in two days! Woot Woot!- Try and muster up the courage and tactfully ask Joan of Arc on a date!
- Apply to film school (yeah -- more on that later).
- Ask the Master of Time about some music software (he was supposed to get it for a while ago).
- For God's sake try to get well into Act 2 in James Black Investigations.
I know it doesn't look like much, but DAMN that's quite list. Just re-reading it right now, it looks to me to be quite daunting. If I get 70% of it done I'll be happy. I'll first start by ordering some transcripts from my university and high school. Then I'll make some calls get start solidifying a party date. Woot woot! ***BLOGGER'S EDIT: I'm beginning to strike things off the list as I complete them...1 down, several to go! Labels: Christmas, Joan, Marcus James |
| finished by Carter @ 6:42 AM |
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| Monday, December 10, 2007 |
| ENTRY 15: Marcus James |
Well here I am at work, bored out of my mind. I've been trying to work on my screenplay, but progress is slow. I'm stuck on a very crucial scene, one where the true, darker intentions of the protagonists begin to reveal themselves. I know which characters will be involved, I know it takes place at the Ossa Harbor Ironworks in the dead of night (setting), and as I mentioned before, I know how I intend on using the scene to further the story. The problem is that I don't know how the action unfolds. There has to be a hint of mystery, foreshadowing, and surprise. It's tough.
So I'm trying to help myself out by fleshing out the story as a whole here in my blog. The screenplay is title James Black Investigations, and follows the exploits of a grim, haunted private investigator named Marcus James. Marcus James lives in unarguably the worst city in America. The mayor is a cowardly punk, crime and hypocrisy run rampant, and air and water pollution are so thick that it has started causing mutations in the general public. James refers to the Ossa City as a virus, a poison that hungrily eats away at your soul, a fate you have no choice but to succumb to.
To Marcus James, morality has become a hinderance in his endeavors to escape this Hell on Earth. Ambition has consumed him and lands him right smack in the middle of a grotesque murder investigation. Utilizing skills and talents honed through his experience as an Ossa City Police Department (OCPD) detective alongside Det. Patricia Black, James works to outsmart and outwit the OCPD to solve the case and to keep himself out of hot water.
James' motives are far from noble. Within him, ambition only gives way to vengeance; he still feels more than tad bit of resentment towards the OCPD's Commissioner Harold Ballow for unceremoniously discharging him after a botched narcotics case and the subsequent death of his partner. More than anything else, James hopes to humiliate and discredit the force via this murder investigation, and to do so he enlists the help of the actress Pandora, the victim's widow Ms. Martha Chepovsky, and her attorney A. Thomas Smith. To them he is their savior; to him they are no more than pawns at his disposal.
So yeah, that's the set-up, but things start getting complicated once the city starts imposing its poisonous will on everyone involved: police brutality, mutations, drug addiction, political corruption...time travel (yeah you read that correctly), etc. etc. It also makes things complicated when writing. Yeesh.
BLOGGER'S NOTE: Ossa Harbor Ironworks just wasn't cutting it as the setting for this next scene. Changing it to the St. Philomena Memorial Park (where Black is buried).Labels: Marcus James, screenwriting |
| finished by Carter @ 4:38 AM |
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| Sunday, December 09, 2007 |
| ENTRY 14: "Joan of Arc" According to Tal Bachman |
Well it's officially the end of "my" weekend; I am back at work, taking calls for World Vision (woot woot!). The weekend was actually pretty eventful; I didn't have a "Life Day" per se, but nevertheless a lot of stuff went down. It was undoubtedly a weekend of change.
On Friday the youth group went out to catch that movie This Christmas. We were supposed to be talking about relationships, sex, etc., but AGAIN that discussion got postponed. I'm getting kind of miffed, and I'm not the only one; my fellow junior youth leader (sigh) was also concerned that the important discourse was being left on the backburner several times too many. Both of us understand why this is: our youth co-ordinator is not in the greatest of health, and thus does not have the strength or time to put together such meetings as often as she used to. Thus, we both have decided that it's about time that we both take on more responsibility for the planning of the meetings.
Anyway, we went to see the movie, and I was quite surprised at how much I enjoyed it. Now don't get me wrong it was nowhere near Oscar caliber, but at the same time it wasn't painful to watch. But that's neither here nor there; the highlight of the night was my interaction with the other youth leader. Is it just me, or am I finally getting over my "pedestalization" (my own word) of her? She's an incredible woman, but I'm beginning to think that she's no longer so High Above Me a la Tal Bachman -- no longer out of reach and unattainable, to be adored from afar...though she'll always be my Joan of Arc. Do I actually have a chance?
We had been just chatting in the lobby of the movie theatre, and there were two instances where my whole body got warm and my heart fluttered. The first was when she asked (were her eyes wide with...what?) if I was coming to the 20's & 30's Christmas dinner the next day (I'll get to that eventually). I said of course I was attending, to which she seemed quite pleased. Bam. Lub-dub, Lub-dub, Lub-dub.
The second instance was later when we were just talking about movies. She had mentioned she had seen No Country For Old Men. I have been dying to see that movie for the longest time, and I had expressed this sentiment. In response, she said (while again giving me that strange, wide-eyed look) that she wouldn't mind seeing it again. Bam. Lub-dub, Lub-dub, Lub-dub. I faltered noticeably, even said something along the lines about that being a good idea and how I was thinking about seeing it that night. Unfortunately that crashed-and-burned because the movie was starting at 10 pm...so yeah, no dice.
Jesus, man, I don't know what to think! What the hell, man?!
Next day (Saturday) was the aformentioned Christmas dinner. The 20's and 30's club went to the newly renovated Moxie's at Fairview, which turned out to be quite the swanky place. There was a line-up and everything -- it looked like some eccentric night club. We got in no problem, however, and I have to say that SHE (Joan of Arc) looked stunning. I couldn't look away. I have a feeling that this was noticed by everyone else present. Bah, who the hell cares. I was just so content with her being across the table from me in all her beauty, every so often looking (gazing, maybe?) back at me, smiling, laughing, sharing. Afterward, we both had the take a bus from Don Mills Station, so we walked and talked until her bus came. I erupted in a swooning sigh (yeah, exactly) as I watched her go. Jeez.
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In other news, the "saga" with my co-worker seems to have come to an embarrassingly quick conclusion. After reneging on the bowling + movie, she has quit! I don't know if I'll ever see her again now! Hardy har har. Well, with all this Joan of Arc stuff happening, I have to say I'm not feeling too down about it.Labels: church, Joan, love, movies, weekend, youth group |
| finished by Carter @ 3:21 AM |
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| Thursday, December 06, 2007 |
| ENTRY 13: Life Story |
She flopped on me.
Apparently her dad is flying in from Trinidad tomorrow, so it is imperative that she clean up the house today. Hence, why bowling + movie is "postponed". Additionally, she's thinking about changing her shift, because all of a sudden working overnights is "scary" (her words not mine).
So I'll stay in and watch a movie off of Rogers On Demand. Such is life! Hardy har har. |
| finished by Carter @ 8:38 AM |
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| ENTRY 12: Christmas Considerations |
God I had a big dinner but I'm already starving -- it's going to be a LONG night.
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Hmm. There has been a big turn-around in the last 24 hours or so. I guess it should have come as no surprise, but it has. My mom has officially informed me about this holiday trip they are taking: they depart in just over a week's time and come back in the new year. This means that I'd have the house to myself for just over two weeks. The surprising part is that they've found me a ticket -- if, that is, I can (read: want) to take it.
I thought about whether or not heading off to Barbados with the fam for the Christmas holidays is something that I really want to do. On the one hand, I think getting away from Toronto for a while is something that I should definitely be looking into. Besides, when's the next time I'll be able to go to Barbados? Yeah, probably not for a while. On the other hand, having the house to myself for two weeks would be pretty sweet, too (see previous post). On top of that, I was kind of hoping to spending Christmas with Twin M, and if I head off to B-dos that's definitely not going to happen. I CAN do with a break from delivering newspapers and sub-zero temperatures, on the other hand.
I dunno...I have yet to come to a final decision. But hey, it might not even be in my hands; I have to make sure work OK's the possibility of the trip. I don't want to end up coming back from B-dos and finding out that I no longer have a job. I'll find out about that at the end of my shift today.
Anyhoo, today should be pretty interesting...I'm going bowling with a co-worker (she's from Trinidad and says she's never been bowling before), but who knows there's a good chance that she'll flop on me -- wouldn't THAT be the story of my life? Hardy har har.Labels: brother, Christmas, family, parents, vacation |
| finished by Carter @ 12:02 AM |
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| Wednesday, December 05, 2007 |
| ENTRY 11: Rest in Peace |
Hmm. Did I sound a little jaded at the end of my previous post? Maybe a little bit of sour grapes? Yeah, I guess -- because that's exactly how I feel. It just strikes me as odd that my parents would plan a Christmas vacation without informing me. Oh well, nothing I can do about it now.
Am I hurt? Slightly. But I have to admit that I'm a little excited, too! I'll have the whole house to myself for the holidays. That can make things pretty interesting...my "Life Days" can now fully be life days since I won't have to worry about getting home for 2 a.m. (woo!) All the same, it's going to be weird spending Christmas without the fam (though I will be attending Christmas dinner with my Auntie N). We'll see how that goes.
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I didn't get much sleep today; I was on duty at the funeral of Frank Daley at my church, the St. Andrew Anglican Church of Scarborough. There were over 300 people in attendance, and the sheer intensity of emotion that saturated the air had me incredibly humbled; I could feel that what I was sensing was only the tip of an unfathomably immense iceberg. I could hardly imagine that one man had had such a deep, positive impact on so many lives. Though I didn't know the man at all (I had only seen him around the church every now and then) I found that I was proud of him and all of his many accomplishments. I paid my own personal respects after the service, standing before his parish photo of him and his wife for a good minutewhile people bustled to and fro.Labels: church, family, funeral, parents |
| finished by Carter @ 3:41 AM |
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| Monday, December 03, 2007 |
| ENTRY 10: Buckling Down & Breaking Down |
Winter is truly upon us; when I left for work this evening the snow was coming down in huge whiet clumps that looked like entire dandelion heads. The sky looked like God was shaking his infinite head of infinite hair and was in desperate need of some Pert Plus or Selsum Blue. There are times when the snowfall can have a harrowing and overly depressing effect on one's soul; there are other times, when it falls lazily and almost majestically, when the snow can be calming, tranquil and serene. Tonight was one of those serene nights for sure...add to this the startling contrast between the black sky and white flakes, and you make for breathtaking scenery. It definitely got me in the right mood for work.
I've really been on my younger brother's ass recently about his schoolwork. He has three tests coming up (two of which he will be missing -- more on that later), the first of which is science. He seems to have a singular problem with science: it's not so much that he doesn't understand the concepts, it's more than he has trouble articulating them into coherent phrases. As I've mentioned before, I've started noticing Big M moving away from the academics and focusing ~80% of his energy either on athletics, comic books, or video games, and I wanted to actively try and reverse this before he begins slipping farther down into this apparent Native Son (ie N####r) Stereotype.
His teachers at school are beginning to treat him like a problem child, even though he has no history of class disruption; he'll get a stern penalty for something as trivial as accidently burping out loud or whistling a tune. He gets pegged as a D student by other teachers even though to the best of my knowledge before this year he's never gotten a D on a report card in his life. The best thing many of them can stress during parent-teacher interviews is how good he is a basketball (and he isn't even that good), rather than focusing on other things like his exceptional spelling test marks. With all this and more, I am almost completely convinced that Big M is beginning to internalize.
I am partly to blame, unfortunately. My bro's classmates, since late last year, have had this notion that I am some sort of gangster. I should have quelled these statements immediately, nipped them in the butt, as it were. However, I was somewhat mystified, flattered even, that I somehow embodied the "Super-cool Older Brother" archetype -- or at the very least a variation of such. I am sure that my supposed "gangster" image has added to Big M's internalization, and this is a major reason why I have decided to try to break down and reverse this phenomenon. Penance.
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I mentioned before how Big M may be missing 2 of his 3 imminent tests. Turns out that my parents and him are going on vaction. I don't know where they are going, I don't know when they are going (must be pretty soon though), and I have no idea how long they are going for. I have not been informed about this and I don't plan on asking any questions. I only found out because Big M opens his notoriously big mouth:
Mom: Make sure you study for that science test for Tuesday. And don't you have other tests as well? Make sure to study for those too!
Big M (and his big mouth): But aren't we not going to be here for those two?
(short awkward silence)
Mom: I want you to study for them anyway!
Big M (who can't take a hint to shut up): But we won't be here!
Mom: JUST DO IT!
**end of conversation**
I kept my mouth throughout this exchange; this was something they had deliberately kept from me, so if it was something they didn't want me to know about I wasn't about to start asking questions now. The next day my mom started mentioning something about possibly looking for another ticket, but again I kept my mouth shut; I don't intend on inquiring unless they full out come and tell me what the heck is going on. Anyway, that's the sitch.Labels: brother, family, parents, school, secret, stereotypes, vacation |
| finished by Carter @ 11:56 PM |
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| ENTRY 9: Lovely Weather |
The date was December 2nd, 2007 when winter decided to joyously sweep into existence. The snow started coming down in white sheets late Saturday night, and by 7 am Sunday morning the streets had been victimized. It usually takes me about half-an-hour to get home on a Sunday morning from work.
In this wonderful winter wonderland, however, it took me TWO HOURS.
It seems that the great minds at TTC don't check the weather reports from day to day, and had no idea that we were going to be hit with the white stuff. Buses on all routes were in total disarray; even along Don Mills Road, buses were running at least 1.5 hours behind schedule. And on top of all that, Yours Truly was lucky enough to get on the one bus that decided to "short turn" (ie. go out of service prematurely) well before my stop. As a result, Yours Truly was forced to wait for another hour for the next bus.
And if it couldn't get any worse, Your Favourite Blogger had thought it would be fun to get into a semi-snow battle with two of his co-workers beforehand. As a result, my measly gloves -- and consequently my hands -- were quite damp and cold. Standing around in the cold for two hours just made things oh so much better! By the time I got home (9:15 am) I was in quite a foul mood, and in no state to attend church that morning. And so, since I hadn't slept since 7:30 am the previous morning, I dropped into my bed and was almost instantly dead to the world.
That could have turned out to be a really bad idea; that night I was scheduled to perform a skit with other members of the youth group. We had yet to practice, and we had planned on practicing at church that morning. Luckily, I was able to get to church that evening well beforehand and we were able to get in several good run-throughs. The resulting performance was very successful. The Carter Carol Party Skit Tradition continues!Labels: buses, carol, church, skit, snow, TTC, weather |
| finished by Carter @ 12:02 AM |
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| Sunday, December 02, 2007 |
| ENTRY 8: End of Weekend/Anti-Climax |
Well I'm definitely breathing a deep sigh tonight, and it's definitely not a sigh of relief. What feelings and emotions saturate this exhale of breath? Dejection? Defeat? Unfulfillment? ...Disappointment? Yes, definitely disappointment; most likely a mixture of all the above. Remember that euphoria I mentioned in the previous post? That welling-up of hope and positive apprehension that occured as "my" weekend approached. Well, "my" weekend has passed me by with little to no adventure. It goes without saying that I was more than a little downcast.
Friday was a complete bust; after worrying for an entire week about the dreaded youth group meeting at my church, the meeting was cancelled due to lack of attendance. I was never given the opportunity to express my philosophy (which, who knows, may have been a good thing), but for some reason I was actually kind of looking forward to it. I ended up staying at home watching Bionixs cartoons on YTV, which didn't end up being too bad I must say. However, all in all, I didn't end up having much of a life on my "Life Day". I didn't even end up going to my new hang-out Friday night hot-spot Smokey Joe's; I got two texts from Paula saying that I was gravely missed by all. Touching...!
My Saturday wasn't very eventful, either. I was planning to go to church for the Tutoring/Mentoring Program as I usually do on a Saturday morning. However, I decided against it, and instead stayed at home and helped my little brother with his studies. It's a good thing I did; my brother is stuggling with his homework, not because he doesn't understand the varying concepts, but because he refuses to put in the necessary efforts. His own passions at the moment lie in video games, basketball, football, and volleyball. I have a nagging feeling deep in my gut that he is consciously or unconsciously ascribing to a Black stereotype. This is something that I will continue to investigate and try my darndest to break. Not healthy. Not at all...Labels: black, brother, homework, malcolm, stereotypes, weekend |
| finished by Carter @ 12:19 AM |
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| The famous words of Jesus Christ resonate with my person: words impressing me with total, victorious finality. Words that I hope to say down the road. |
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Home: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
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