| Thursday, November 29, 2007 |
| ENTRY 7: Explanation (Video) |
| UNDER CONSTRUCTION -- blogTV.com hates me right now....I'll figure it out, just you wait! Labels: blogtv, video |
finished by Carter @ 2:54 PM   |
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| ENTRY 6: Here Comes My Weekend |
You ever get the feeling that things are going to go unconventionally better than usual? As the clock here at work continues to tick towards 7:00 am, strangely I am experiencing a cautiously growing feeling of excitment and euphoria. I know it sounds like some literary exaggeration, but it isn't; I actually feel euphoric. For the life of me, I couldn't provide you with a satisfactory explanation as to why. Is there anything special planned for tomorrow? Hardly.
I was searching through craigslist yesterday (a GREAT site, btw -- you can find ANYTHING on that thing), and I discovered a whole new section: "gigs". At the end of my scouting, I had a couple of ads that seriously needed responding to. One was a talent agency looking for new acts, and the other was a distribution company looking for albums to press. I will be contacting both of these sources for obvious reasons. Yet another ad was looking for talent to perform (for free, albeit) at a small student bar/club on Wednesday nights. Something to consider. Will anything come of all this? I don't know, but I certainly hope so! Can't get the hopes up too high, I guess.
I've started to seriously shop for a laptop that would work for me. I really don't need anything top-of-the-line, that's for sure -- just something that would work for my screenwriting, blogging, and multimedia needs. I have over $1000 saved, so it won't be a problem to buy one.
I'm still very apprehensive over the imminent youth group meeting at my church. I have, however, thought long and hard over what I can say, and I've solidified my philosophy. I'll make sure to chronicle how it goes during the aftermath.Labels: church, craigslist, gigs, laptop, weekend, youth group |
| finished by Carter @ 6:22 AM |
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| Tuesday, November 27, 2007 |
| ENTRY 5: Honey, I'm Condescending to the Kids |
Christmas is fast approaching; before you know it's going to be almost Valentine's Day -- THAT I can guarantee. I promised myself a couple of weeks ago that I would have all my shopping done already; I know the season shouldn't be all about consumerism, etc. etc., but this is the first year in a long time -- heck, maybe the first year EVER -- that I will actually have a sufficient amount of disposable income to dish out some satisfactory gifts.*
I've figured out what I'm going to get my parents for Christmas. Our fridge recently been a constant target for our exasperation, frustration, and frankly RAGE. Its various parts decide to cut out at various times, and in turn the repair man (the same one) has been making regular visits. Everyone is disgruntled...even the repair man!
In any event, an excellent gift would be a level playing field. I've always struggled to understand why I usually feel like total crap after any sort of serious discussion/argument with my parents I'm now getting closer to some sort of complete awareness and understanding. My parents have an innate way of patronizing a listener. I am fully convinced that they are completely unaware of this, but such condescention -- whether intended or not -- has begun to have a deep effect on me. I haven't quite delved into how far-reaching these effects have gone.
Again, I don't want to make out like a victim. Who knows, maybe it isn't such a big deal. Maybe patronizing doesn't have a huge negative effect, but in my opinion, why take the risk? Why not treat others like equals? Is belittling ever necessary?Labels: family, parents |
| finished by Carter @ 11:43 PM |
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| Sunday, November 25, 2007 |
| ENTRY 4: Sex/Love Prequel |
It's the beginning of another week; more overnights at work, more mornings and early afternoons buried beneath my bedsheets. But as the week begins I am already regarding its end with a mixture of feelings I have yet to fully sort through. I am currently acting as one of the two junior youth leaders for my church's youth group, and on Friday we have planned a session to discuss love, sex, and relationships. For the most part, I have become something of a role model to many of the church's youth, a duty that I fully embrace. However, when it comes to the topics to be covered in the imminent session, being a role model is a duty I am not sure I can comfortably fulfill.
Love, sex, and romantic relationships are things I have seriously struggled with throughout my life. I have dated, but each time the relationships have been embarrassingly brief and depressingly empty, to say the least; the dates I have partaked in I did so only for the sake of dating, and all in all my heart had not been in it. I have experienced love, but only in its most unfilling of articulations: unrequited. I am not sure how, but somehow I have been conditioned to have an acute, immense fear of rejection, and thus have been kept from pursuing attractions; I have continued to love from afar for 23 years.
I have a certain naïveté pertaining to women, as well; it has kept me from fully understanding individuals' motives and intentions, and thus many an opportunity has callously passed me by. Don't get me wrong, I am no victim; my naïveté has also caused a lot of harm, too (if you have seen some of my previous blogs you'll know what I'm talking about).
Overall I am far from being a role model when it comes to this loaded subject. I can give a lot of theoretical advice, but when it comes to practical applications, I am effectively clueless. Should I start making notes for Friday or something? It only makes things more complicated that the object of my affection, for better or for worse, just happens to be the other junior youth leader. It's going to hard to talk about crushes, attraction, and relationships in front of the very woman you want to experience it all with. It isn't quite irony, but it still really sucks.
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In other news, I haven't been able to check my e-mail for a couple of days, so I don't know if I've recieved a response from the Toronto Film School. The apprehension is building; it is palpable!Labels: church, film school, love, relationships, sex, youth group |
| finished by Carter @ 11:59 PM |
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| Saturday, November 24, 2007 |
| ENTRY 3: Careers/Unstable Futures |
I fear for my brother.
I fear that his life is in jeopardy. Not in any conventional way, mind you; to the best of my knowledge nobody is hiding behind some corner, or sneaking into his apartment complex with a loaded gun and a desire for blood. But there IS a growing army of unsettlingly powerful people with chips on their shoulders. And who knows, there may BE, in one form or another, in their hearts a desire for blood.
My brother is presently teaching Grade 8 math, history, and English at an "academic" school in a decidedly rich neighborhood. His classes consist of an alarming majority of aloof teenagers with way too much money stuffed into their back pockets. My brother tries to challenge them in a school that is content with handing out straight A's like it was some sort of twisted charity, and the result has been an all-time low in class averages. Parents are all up in arms, despite my brother's incessant and repeated attempts in the past to open a forum of discourse. He has held daily extra help sessions; students have been indifferent and have not attended. He assigns homework; the students are indifferent and refuse to complete it. The end result is that the students are failing and their parents are enraged at my brother. Consequently, the administration is not happy.
All possible outcomes for this situation are not positive. Either my brother stays the course, and the parents -- many of them powerful figures in the society: doctors and lawyers -- force the administration to fire my brother, or my brother bends and hands the students marks they in no way, shape, or form deserve -- and in doing so, is forced to reliquish his integrity. Additionally, there would still be the very real threat of dismissal.
An almost impossible decision: do you continue to be a good teacher, or do you keep your job?
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In other news -- and I'm quite excited -- I've applied to the Toronto Film College for the Scriptwriting Diploma. It would be 8 months of classes (this is my understanding), but aside from that I do not know much. Information is apparently being sent either via regular mail or e-mail; I wait for it with eagerness and apprehension. Will I be accepted? If not, what then? If so, will it be a successful venture?
Out of all these questions, I have the answer to only one: if I do get accepted, I will fight tooth and tail, sacrifice blood, sweat and tears to make sure that is will be a successful venture.Labels: brother, careers, film school, michael, teaching |
| finished by Carter @ 11:38 PM |
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| Tuesday, November 20, 2007 |
| ENTRY 2: The Rest of Your Life |
We are human, and we are all individuals. We all have our own specific dreams, our own specific aspirations, and our own specific interests, desires, loves of life. But do we all, in addition to these, have the abilities to achieve them? Do we live in a society where striving for obtainment can be readily executed? Is that something that is even condoned?
Over that last couple of years my eyes have been opened to the harrowing extent that status plays a role in our society. Becoming "successful" is no longer soemthing that can be self-defined; there is a standard that one seems to have to live by in order to get anywhere in this world, even if such universal definitions contradict individual dreams, aspirations, and desires.
What is the path that needs to be followed? Do you follow the formula or break the mold? Will it be worth it, or will the risks be overwhelming, too great to overcome? Does one persist?Labels: careers, philosphy |
| finished by Carter @ 5:30 AM |
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| Monday, November 19, 2007 |
| ENTRY 1: Crossroads |
And I know what you're thinking, so let me get it out of the way and slap you right off the bat for thinking the title was a Britney Spears allusion. I am, figuratively speaking, at several crossroads in my life right now, so much so that ultimatums are being drawn.
As a rule I don't react well to ultimatums. I don't think many people do. But I have to admit that sometimes ultimatums can be necessary, and I am probaby 75% willing to concede that in my case drastic measures need to be taken. I'm kind of stuck in a rut. I'm making money, granted, but as of now there isn't much of a future in sight. Well, not an acceptable future in some people's eyes.
I know things have to change. I get it; I'm FAR from being a naive idiot -- idealistic, maybe, but not naive. Anyhow, it goes without saying that something's gotta give. Have you ever been in such a situation? Have you felt the extreme pressure? Almost as if you're running out of air and you're still uncomfortably far away from the water's surface?Labels: careers, parents, philosphy |
| finished by Carter @ 6:30 AM |
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| The famous words of Jesus Christ resonate with my person: words impressing me with total, victorious finality. Words that I hope to say down the road. |
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Home: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
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