| Tuesday, February 05, 2008 |
| ENTRY 36: My Tears Were Chicken Bones |
I usually don't bother with this stuff, but I had the strangest dream last night. It wasn't necessarily dark or nightmarish, but it was highly unsettling all the same. I can't exactly remember where I was, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't all too relevant. The important part was that there was a huge tent, and whenever I would go into this tent (again, I can't remember why I needed to go into this tent so often, other than there was a person I wanted to see that resided in it) I'd start having to pull chicken bones out of my eyes. It was incredibly bizarre and a little chilling. All of a sudden, as soon as I'd go into the tent, my eyes would start feeling weird, and I'd need to pull chicken bones out of them.
There were several other people inside the tent, which was about the size of a basketball court, and it was full of either sewing machines or washer/dryer combos, not too sure which. Anyway, I was going in and out of this tent, and it got to the point where these two women began watching me, and they would laugh whenever I began crying chicken bones. After this happened a couple of times, my right eye starting irritating me to an unbearable degree: a small piece of bone had gotten stuck. It got to the point where I started trying to pry it out using a pocket knife (the one I bought while I was in Winnipeg several years ago...I have since lost it).
That's all I can remember; it wasn't distrubing while I was dreaming it, but the more I think about it, the more unsettling it seems. Crying out chicken bones? Seriously, man, that's a big WTF. I really don't put much stock in the whole interpretation thing, but I might have to check it out for this doozy of a dream.Labels: dream |
finished by Carter @ 2:22 AM   |
|
|
|
| Wednesday, December 19, 2007 |
| ENTRY 23: Broken Glass, Everywhere II |
Couldn't finish this post last night; I was in absolute shambles. After I awoke from crying myself to sleep yesterday, I called up some buddies. One of them, whom I shall refer to as Crazy R, was completing his last exam that day. He finished at 5 pm, so we, along with two other friends whom I shall call The Lovers (they have recently gotten engaged), met up and went for some drinks. For me the plan was to just psychologically run away and put some distance between myself and the apparent destruction of my dream future. I was going to get pleasantly inebriated at some God-forsaken watering hole and hopefully end up with some company for the night (yeah...this was the state of mind I was in).
Didn't work out that way, much to my despair. We ended up at some Chinese restaurant, and I, completely forgetting myself, ordered some beef/vermicelli thing. Thus, since I'm highly allergic to MSG, I was mere minutes into my meal when my throat started closing and I felt like throwing up. Awesome dinner.
Afterward, instead of going to a bar we just bought some alcohol and went and chilled at one of The Lovers' (the woman) houses. On a side note, there had been a time when I had been desperately in love with this girl, but suffice to say that my heart, figuratively speaking, wound up crushed beneath her heel. It's been a while (several years) since this occurred, but every so often her knee would brush against my inner thigh, or she'd crawl over me, and it was really awkward and unnerving for me. She obviously didn't mean anything by it (that's just the way she is), but all the same it was uncomfortable at times.
We watched a shitty movie and then we went our separate ways. I ended up at home, not drunk enough and utterly alone. As I mounted my stairs a soft glow caught my eyes. It was my Christmas tree, which I had made sure to plug in before I left. I went over and hugged it.Labels: Christmas tree, dream, drunk, film school |
| finished by Carter @ 10:46 AM |
|
|
|
|
| ENTRY 22: Broken Glass, Everywhere I |
Today was a day that resounded with a brutal realization.
I looked at my Daunting List and jumped into it head-first. I was going to get things done, goddammit! I had come home from work, checked my e-mail, got breakfast, stretched my arms and got to work. I was going to first call the Toronto Film College and inquire as to what the next steps were in order to get accepted into the institution. As I was perusing my emails for the relevant phone number, I was talking to a friend online about what I was planning on doing school-wise. She told me, just as I found the college's phone number, that one of her friends had gone to the TFC, but 2 years later was still working at Burger King.
My heart dropped like lead in a fish tank. Denial tried to build a fortress but it was quickly, effortlessly, and efficiently torn down by despair. In a daze I got up from the computer, walked into my room and sagged down on my bed. Was this it? Was this what was in store for me? Should I even bother? At this point, despair started making way for persistence and courage. I picked up the phone. I was NOT going to be like Mr. Burger King. I will PERSIST; I will PREVAIL. There was NO WAY some horror story was going to stop me from realizing my dream.
I called the number.
Operator (tired; indifferent): Hello, thank you for calling the Toronto Film School.
Me (embarrassed): Oh, I'm sorry...I thought this was the Toronto Film College.**
Operator (irritated): They're the same thing.
Me (embarrassed): Oh...oh, ok. Well I had completed your online application and received this number in a responding email.
Operator (indifferent): Right.
Me (apprehensive): Yeah, so I was wondering what the next steps in the application process were.
Operator (indifferent): Well, actually sir the Toronto Film School is closing its doors in 2009, so we're not taking on any more students.
Me (heartbroken): ....Oh.
Operator (indifferent): Take care, sir. Good-bye.
*click*
Me (heartbroken): Good-bye...
And that was that. In an instant my entire dream came crashing down around me. The utter silence in the house was deafening, unbearable, yet I dared not disturb it by making a sound. Moments later, however, I did; I lay down in my bed and cried myself to sleep.
Labels: dream, film school |
| finished by Carter @ 1:30 AM |
|
|
|
|
| The famous words of Jesus Christ resonate with my person: words impressing me with total, victorious finality. Words that I hope to say down the road. |
| Blogs |
|
| About Me |
|
Name: Carter
Home: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
About Me:
See my complete profile
|
| Finished Posts |
|
| Archives |
|
|
| Shoutbox |
Free shoutbox @ ShoutMix
|
| Links |
|
| Powered by |
 |
|
