| Saturday, May 24, 2008 |
| ENTRY 51: Strange Times |
Before anybody asks, no the title of this entry is NOT a reference to Marvel's Master of the Mystics. Hardy har har....sorry, I couldn't resist!
If you have been reading up, then you'll know that I'm referring to the craziness happening at my church right now, and as I had predicted in my last post, things have gotten a heckuva lot worse. The situation has exploded; it's being talked about all over the diocese of Toronto, the bishops are furious, and -- get this -- even the police have been called in. It is absolutely insane.
But that's all I can really say about that situation; a gag order has been issued on all parishioners and participants in the various incidents that have recently transpired. Yeah, ridiculous, is it not?Labels: church, youth group |
finished by Carter @ 5:23 AM   |
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| Monday, May 12, 2008 |
| THE 50TH ENTRY |
Wow it's been a couple of months since my last post. I hadn't forgotten about this little blog, but it was the 50th post; I wanted to make sure I had something BIG to write about, something that was 50th post worthy.
Turned out the BIG EVENT wasn't exactly what I was hoping for (i.e. date with Joan); in fact, it wasn't anything positive at all. The youth group leader at my church was booted by the priest-in-charge and the wardens.
Let me rewind a bit, see if I can fill in some back story. As I mentioned before, I was a junior youth leader at my church in Scarborough. Joan and I worked with the Youth Group Leader to provide activities and programs for youth from the church and the surrounding community. Over the years our group has grown very close, to the point where we all regard the YGL as a second mother, and likewise she regards all of us as her children.
Over the past year or so, the YGL's health had begun to deteriorate. She had been working 60+ hour weeks and not eating right, and developed Type II diabetes, high blood pressure, and a lot of other bad stuff. Youth group meetings started being postponed or just outright canceled, much to the chagrin of the youth. But we assumed that it was because of the YGL's health, so we understood. It was only later that the YGL divulged to us that these cancellations were because the wardens had refused to release funds that had been promised to us in the yearly budget. From then on things began going downhill. The feud between the YGL and the Powers That Be (that's what I call the wardens + the priest) swelled to ridiculous proportions, and Joan and I got stuck in the middle trying to mediate it all.
It was a stressful time, and my own health began to suffer. I started getting really sick on a regular basis, sometimes unable to keep anything down for days. It was absolutely ridiculous. Anyway, up to maybe a week ago, things seemed to be going relatively smoothly; you can say that there was the atmosphere of a ceasefire. Then out of the blue I receive a call from the priest informing me that the YGL has been removed. No explanation as to why, just that it happened.
Things have been crazy since then. The youth have been up in arms, the YGL has been up in arms...and me? I'm tired. I quit all my positions in the church (youth group leader, parish council, communications team, server's guild, transition committee, church school teacher, etc....yeah there were quite a few) much to the shock of the Powers That Be, since they were going to ask me to take over as Youth Group Leader.
But yeah, things are only going to get worse, I imagine. The Powers That Be had been trying to keep everything hush-hush, but the YGL started handing out packages detailing abusive correspondence, and the youth are setting up petitions. And I just want things to end. Strange times, I tells ya, strange times.Labels: church, Joan, youth group |
| finished by Carter @ 5:17 PM |
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| Monday, February 25, 2008 |
| ENTRY 43: The Week Ends |
I just want to say right off the bat that I apologize if every one of my posts ends up being about Joan of Arc. It's just that right now she seems to be such an important part of my life, though I highly doubt that she knows it. I wouldn't be surprised if I was in love with her. I definitely know that I want to be in love with her.
Anyway, the week that was came to a satisfyingly relaxing conclusion yesterday, which was great. On Friday we had a youth group meeting, where the youth were able to vent over the recent trials and tribulations that we all have been caught up in within our church. Without getting into it, the fact is that there is a war going on within our parish. Surprising at it may sound, it is fact, and it scares me and depresses me that this shit can be going on in the house of God, you know? We should all be getting along, but instead such bitterness, animosity, and hatred can flow between different parties. Joan and I had already decided between the two of us that we wouldn't take sides and try to be mediators, but in doing so both sides think that we are against them. It's hard being in the middle.
It was primarily why I was so tired this week; I was exhausted with all the fighting. At the end of the youth group meeting, we were able to talk briefly about relationships (which is actually what we were supposed to talk about that evening lol), and Joan got really excited that her and I had so much in common when it came to what we wanted in , and what we brought to, a relationship. Pretty awesome, but again I had no idea how to take advantage of the situation. I know, I know....I seriously need help!
I needed to blow off some steam, so on Saturday I finally was able to reach what had become my regular weekend chill spot, Smokey Joe's. I hadn't got on a dance floor in months, and for a second I thought that I had lost my rhythm. Lucky for me, I hadn't and I danced the night away. A lot of my Smokey Joe friends were there, so it was a blast! I was able to sleep for most of the day Sunday for a change, and I was able to go to work refreshed! A big change from last week.
All in all, things are looking up I guess, so I hope they just continue to improve.
BLOG PLAYLIST
"Diary" - Alicia Keys feat. Tony Toni Tone
"Presidential MC" - Method Man feat. Raekwon & RZA
"Snow (Hey Oh)" - Red Hot Chili Peppers
"If I Ever Fall in Love Again (a capella)" - Shai
"Find Out" - ClassifiedLabels: Joan, love, playlist, Smokey Joe's, youth group |
| finished by Carter @ 8:00 AM |
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| Thursday, February 21, 2008 |
| ENTRY 42: Burn-out |
Okay, so today is Thursday, and I can't think of any other time where I was this happy for Friday to be right around the corner. Usually the third week in a month is hectic with meetings and such, but this month has been just ridiculous!
Problems started on Sunday with the annual Vestry meeting after church. It was so freakin' crazy that I took me a couple of days to fully comprehend everything that happened, hence why I haven't blogged about it yet. Thing is that there's been a heckuva lot of fallout from the meeting, and I'm still trying to do clean-up as we speak. Overall, the experience has been incredibly draining.
If that was the only thing that had happened this week, I would have been able to manage (just barely, but I could've done it). However, I had another meeting on Tuesday, and another one at Wednesday, both of which were also church-related. And in both cases, the events of Vestry inevitably arose in conversation, and tempers flared. And here I am, lucky me, caught right in the middle. It's freakin' church; I don't want to take sides -- that's not what church is supposed to be all about. Instead I have the almost impossible task of trying to keep everyone appeased while trying to solve the larger issue almost single-handedly. Fun!
Along the way, I kind of forgot to sleep: I haven't had more than 4 hours of sleep since Sunday. Last night of work I couldn't function and made so many mistakes I thought I was going to lose my job right then and there. Shit, I still feel like my job is in jeopardy; a total of 4 people lost their jobs in the last week, so I'm sweating bullets after last night's performance.
I'm. So. Tired. Of everything. Didn't help that I had to watch My Competition suavely move in on Joan during the Wednesday meeting. Fuck, man. Need sleep. Need to get away....!
BLOG PLAYLIST
"Romancipation" - Musiq Soulchild
"What We Do" - Freeway feat. Jay-Z & Beanie Sigel
"Soulstar" - Musiq Soulchild
"Drive It Like I Stole It" - Apathy
"Right About Now" - Talib Kweli
"Wild For The Night" - Rampage feat. Busta Rhymes
"No Transitory" - Alexisonfire
"Say" - Method Man feat. Lauryn Hill
"Supreme Supreme" - Black Star
"Are We Cuttin'" - Pastor Troy feat. Ms. JadeLabels: church, Joan, playlist, work, youth group |
| finished by Carter @ 5:36 PM |
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| Sunday, December 09, 2007 |
| ENTRY 14: "Joan of Arc" According to Tal Bachman |
Well it's officially the end of "my" weekend; I am back at work, taking calls for World Vision (woot woot!). The weekend was actually pretty eventful; I didn't have a "Life Day" per se, but nevertheless a lot of stuff went down. It was undoubtedly a weekend of change.
On Friday the youth group went out to catch that movie This Christmas. We were supposed to be talking about relationships, sex, etc., but AGAIN that discussion got postponed. I'm getting kind of miffed, and I'm not the only one; my fellow junior youth leader (sigh) was also concerned that the important discourse was being left on the backburner several times too many. Both of us understand why this is: our youth co-ordinator is not in the greatest of health, and thus does not have the strength or time to put together such meetings as often as she used to. Thus, we both have decided that it's about time that we both take on more responsibility for the planning of the meetings.
Anyway, we went to see the movie, and I was quite surprised at how much I enjoyed it. Now don't get me wrong it was nowhere near Oscar caliber, but at the same time it wasn't painful to watch. But that's neither here nor there; the highlight of the night was my interaction with the other youth leader. Is it just me, or am I finally getting over my "pedestalization" (my own word) of her? She's an incredible woman, but I'm beginning to think that she's no longer so High Above Me a la Tal Bachman -- no longer out of reach and unattainable, to be adored from afar...though she'll always be my Joan of Arc. Do I actually have a chance?
We had been just chatting in the lobby of the movie theatre, and there were two instances where my whole body got warm and my heart fluttered. The first was when she asked (were her eyes wide with...what?) if I was coming to the 20's & 30's Christmas dinner the next day (I'll get to that eventually). I said of course I was attending, to which she seemed quite pleased. Bam. Lub-dub, Lub-dub, Lub-dub.
The second instance was later when we were just talking about movies. She had mentioned she had seen No Country For Old Men. I have been dying to see that movie for the longest time, and I had expressed this sentiment. In response, she said (while again giving me that strange, wide-eyed look) that she wouldn't mind seeing it again. Bam. Lub-dub, Lub-dub, Lub-dub. I faltered noticeably, even said something along the lines about that being a good idea and how I was thinking about seeing it that night. Unfortunately that crashed-and-burned because the movie was starting at 10 pm...so yeah, no dice.
Jesus, man, I don't know what to think! What the hell, man?!
Next day (Saturday) was the aformentioned Christmas dinner. The 20's and 30's club went to the newly renovated Moxie's at Fairview, which turned out to be quite the swanky place. There was a line-up and everything -- it looked like some eccentric night club. We got in no problem, however, and I have to say that SHE (Joan of Arc) looked stunning. I couldn't look away. I have a feeling that this was noticed by everyone else present. Bah, who the hell cares. I was just so content with her being across the table from me in all her beauty, every so often looking (gazing, maybe?) back at me, smiling, laughing, sharing. Afterward, we both had the take a bus from Don Mills Station, so we walked and talked until her bus came. I erupted in a swooning sigh (yeah, exactly) as I watched her go. Jeez.
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In other news, the "saga" with my co-worker seems to have come to an embarrassingly quick conclusion. After reneging on the bowling + movie, she has quit! I don't know if I'll ever see her again now! Hardy har har. Well, with all this Joan of Arc stuff happening, I have to say I'm not feeling too down about it.Labels: church, Joan, love, movies, weekend, youth group |
| finished by Carter @ 3:21 AM |
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| Thursday, November 29, 2007 |
| ENTRY 6: Here Comes My Weekend |
You ever get the feeling that things are going to go unconventionally better than usual? As the clock here at work continues to tick towards 7:00 am, strangely I am experiencing a cautiously growing feeling of excitment and euphoria. I know it sounds like some literary exaggeration, but it isn't; I actually feel euphoric. For the life of me, I couldn't provide you with a satisfactory explanation as to why. Is there anything special planned for tomorrow? Hardly.
I was searching through craigslist yesterday (a GREAT site, btw -- you can find ANYTHING on that thing), and I discovered a whole new section: "gigs". At the end of my scouting, I had a couple of ads that seriously needed responding to. One was a talent agency looking for new acts, and the other was a distribution company looking for albums to press. I will be contacting both of these sources for obvious reasons. Yet another ad was looking for talent to perform (for free, albeit) at a small student bar/club on Wednesday nights. Something to consider. Will anything come of all this? I don't know, but I certainly hope so! Can't get the hopes up too high, I guess.
I've started to seriously shop for a laptop that would work for me. I really don't need anything top-of-the-line, that's for sure -- just something that would work for my screenwriting, blogging, and multimedia needs. I have over $1000 saved, so it won't be a problem to buy one.
I'm still very apprehensive over the imminent youth group meeting at my church. I have, however, thought long and hard over what I can say, and I've solidified my philosophy. I'll make sure to chronicle how it goes during the aftermath.Labels: church, craigslist, gigs, laptop, weekend, youth group |
| finished by Carter @ 6:22 AM |
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| Sunday, November 25, 2007 |
| ENTRY 4: Sex/Love Prequel |
It's the beginning of another week; more overnights at work, more mornings and early afternoons buried beneath my bedsheets. But as the week begins I am already regarding its end with a mixture of feelings I have yet to fully sort through. I am currently acting as one of the two junior youth leaders for my church's youth group, and on Friday we have planned a session to discuss love, sex, and relationships. For the most part, I have become something of a role model to many of the church's youth, a duty that I fully embrace. However, when it comes to the topics to be covered in the imminent session, being a role model is a duty I am not sure I can comfortably fulfill.
Love, sex, and romantic relationships are things I have seriously struggled with throughout my life. I have dated, but each time the relationships have been embarrassingly brief and depressingly empty, to say the least; the dates I have partaked in I did so only for the sake of dating, and all in all my heart had not been in it. I have experienced love, but only in its most unfilling of articulations: unrequited. I am not sure how, but somehow I have been conditioned to have an acute, immense fear of rejection, and thus have been kept from pursuing attractions; I have continued to love from afar for 23 years.
I have a certain naïveté pertaining to women, as well; it has kept me from fully understanding individuals' motives and intentions, and thus many an opportunity has callously passed me by. Don't get me wrong, I am no victim; my naïveté has also caused a lot of harm, too (if you have seen some of my previous blogs you'll know what I'm talking about).
Overall I am far from being a role model when it comes to this loaded subject. I can give a lot of theoretical advice, but when it comes to practical applications, I am effectively clueless. Should I start making notes for Friday or something? It only makes things more complicated that the object of my affection, for better or for worse, just happens to be the other junior youth leader. It's going to hard to talk about crushes, attraction, and relationships in front of the very woman you want to experience it all with. It isn't quite irony, but it still really sucks.
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In other news, I haven't been able to check my e-mail for a couple of days, so I don't know if I've recieved a response from the Toronto Film School. The apprehension is building; it is palpable!Labels: church, film school, love, relationships, sex, youth group |
| finished by Carter @ 11:59 PM |
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| The famous words of Jesus Christ resonate with my person: words impressing me with total, victorious finality. Words that I hope to say down the road. |
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Home: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
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