| Wednesday, December 19, 2007 |
| ENTRY 23: Broken Glass, Everywhere II |
Couldn't finish this post last night; I was in absolute shambles. After I awoke from crying myself to sleep yesterday, I called up some buddies. One of them, whom I shall refer to as Crazy R, was completing his last exam that day. He finished at 5 pm, so we, along with two other friends whom I shall call The Lovers (they have recently gotten engaged), met up and went for some drinks. For me the plan was to just psychologically run away and put some distance between myself and the apparent destruction of my dream future. I was going to get pleasantly inebriated at some God-forsaken watering hole and hopefully end up with some company for the night (yeah...this was the state of mind I was in).
Didn't work out that way, much to my despair. We ended up at some Chinese restaurant, and I, completely forgetting myself, ordered some beef/vermicelli thing. Thus, since I'm highly allergic to MSG, I was mere minutes into my meal when my throat started closing and I felt like throwing up. Awesome dinner.
Afterward, instead of going to a bar we just bought some alcohol and went and chilled at one of The Lovers' (the woman) houses. On a side note, there had been a time when I had been desperately in love with this girl, but suffice to say that my heart, figuratively speaking, wound up crushed beneath her heel. It's been a while (several years) since this occurred, but every so often her knee would brush against my inner thigh, or she'd crawl over me, and it was really awkward and unnerving for me. She obviously didn't mean anything by it (that's just the way she is), but all the same it was uncomfortable at times.
We watched a shitty movie and then we went our separate ways. I ended up at home, not drunk enough and utterly alone. As I mounted my stairs a soft glow caught my eyes. It was my Christmas tree, which I had made sure to plug in before I left. I went over and hugged it.Labels: Christmas tree, dream, drunk, film school |
finished by Carter @ 10:46 AM   |
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| Sunday, December 16, 2007 |
| ENTRY 19: Snowstorm |
I stand corrected: there actually 3 types of snowfalls. I did mention two types before. There is the kind of snowfall that leaves you feeling kinda depressed (ie "Seriously, what the hell is up with this weather?"), when the wind is driving the snow sideways, and outside would be completely white if it weren't for the slate-gray sky. The wind sounds like a sell-out crowd at Madison Square Garden booing the woeful Knicks, and flakes look like small ice chips that just can't wait to try and tear you apart. The second type of snowfall leaves you feeling thankful and uplifted; the type that I described before (ie "Wow this is just beautiful").
The third type of snowfall is somewhat a mixture of the first two: it leaves you simply in awe of Mother Nature. It's a lot similar to the first one; you have your ridiculous amounts of driving snow as well as the Madison Square Garden howling winds. However, instead the sky is clear and pleasant, the snow fluffy and almost inviting. Outside looks exactly like the inside of a snow globe after furious agitation. During such times all you can say is "Wow..." ....and that's it.
Today was definitely a Snowfall #3 day. I had gone out at 6 a.m. (don't ask) to shovel the driveway, and right when I finished #3 began. I didn't think much of it at the time.
I just came in from snow-blowing the driveway, which had more than a foot of snow covering it.
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I put up my Christmas tree yesterday evening, which ended up being more fun than I thought it would be. I had contemplated not putting it up at all, seeing as it's only me in the house...good thing I didn't listen to myself!
In all honesty the tree doesn't look all that great. It has a threadbare appearance and is decorated sparsely (too many decorations to choose from!). It doesn't even have a star on the top (I couldn't find one). However when you turn off the lights and plug in the tree lights, all those minor shortcomings seems to disappear. The white lights shine through the green needles of the tree and reflect off the primarily red decorations to create a harmonious blend of colours; the tree subsequently emits its own aura that, in my eyes, epitomizes what any Christmas tree is supposed to symbolize.
To me it's not about the flashy multi-coloured lights and the tacky, flamboyant tinsel. My tree's quiet, soft glow communicates peace, subdued power, love. Instead of a "HEYYYYYY THIS IS THE CHRISTMAS TREE IT'S SOOOO AWESOME!!!!", it's a "Shhhhh. Come. Sit. Christmas is such a beautiful thing, is it not?"
That's just what I did. I sat by my Christmas tree for a couple of hours last night, in the dark, bathed in it's soft aura. It was great :)Labels: Christmas, Christmas tree, snow |
| finished by Carter @ 7:04 PM |
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| The famous words of Jesus Christ resonate with my person: words impressing me with total, victorious finality. Words that I hope to say down the road. |
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Name: Carter
Home: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
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