Ever since it came to my attention that my film school dream would be postponed, I've drifted into a listless cycle of monotony. It's gotten to the point where I've started to randomly blank out for up to 5 minutes at a time, then I'll snap back to reality and realize that I'd been whispering the lyrics to some rock song.
In any case, due to this monotonous spell, my emotional high has subsequently expired. I don't know if it's pessimism or realism, but I'm seeing the world through a different set of glasses, and they're definitely not rose-coloured this time around. My confidence in my pursuit of Joan of Arc has all but completely evaporated. I discovered on Sunday that I have competition, and that this competition is very stiff. I'm not much of a fighter when it comes to these kinda things, so thus circumstances don't look so good.
Winter has really hit hard in the last week or so. Last week Thursday we were hit with a ridiculously debilitating snowstorm that pretty much froze the city (pun somewhat intended). Buses were unable to run, and thus I got a day off work (woo hoo!). Overall, a total of almost 30 centimetres (~ 1 ft) of snow fell during that 24 hour period. Yesterday, we were hit with another storm, this one dropping about 15 cm. On top of all that, temperatures have dipped to as low as -30 degrees Celsius, which is the coldest it's been for a while now in Toronto.
I dunno, I kinda feel that everything right now is in winter mode. Nothing is happening, and everything just feels lifeless. I think that's why I've started to blank out every now and then; why pay attention when you know there is nothing worth paying attention to?
BLOG PLAYLIST
"Wicked Ways" - Lord Have Mercy
"Luchini" - Camp Lo
"Pimpin' Life" - Big Black Lincoln
"Vibrant Thing" - Q-Tip
"Womanopoly" - Musiq Soulchild
"Body Language"- Saukrates feat. Choclair
"Terrorist" - RZA feat. Black Knights & Killarmy
"Time Is Right" - Talib Kweli & MadlibLabels: blank out, Joan, playlist, snow, winter |
These things take time. Having said that, if you're not doing shit about it, maybe she wasn't worth it in the first place (the rationalization), or are you actually going to take a stand?
Besides, competition doesn't mean anything for you. I mean, the decision rests upon her, and what has this guy got that you don't have?
You know what though? I read it in the Star that apparently a lot of Canadians believe in the legend (not myth, as I would have said) of Love at First Sight. And it is those relationships that seemed to last the longest. It is interesting to note that people do believe in true love and you know what? Maybe luck will favour you in the end. You got my support anyhow. =p